It's the first day of 2017...
The first day of 2017 has been calm and peaceful. Nothing spectacular happened but it was everything I would have hoped for. We had time with family and friends and everyone was content. My desires are pretty simple these days.
I'm starting out this year with a plan to take care of myself for once. Physically and mentally. The last more than a decade of my life has been packed full of poor choices, mistakes, and wrong turns. I have hurt a lot of people. I can't take it back. My body has take a beating and it's just time to take care of me so I can be the best me that I can possibly be.
I have had six children over the course of the last ten years and my body is just tired. I asked for my tubes to be cut and burned with my last delivery in September of this year but was informed the next day that they used filshie clips to occlude my tubes instead. I was furious. I was even more angry after reading about them and their all too frequent failure rate and problems they can come with such as migration and infection. It has taken two months but on Tuesday (01/03/17) I am having surgery to just have my tubes removed entirely. It's bittersweet. I am totally happy with my family and I do not have the feeling of incompleteness that I had after my first five children that let me know my family was not yet finished. However, to know that I have held my own newborn baby for the last time is a very sad feeling. It's a big chapter to close and it's okay for me to feel that way. I am ready, though, to take the next step, get my body and mental health in shape, and just enjoy watching my children grow.
I need all the positive vibes I can get for Tuesday as I am nervous as can be. I have never been put under with general anesthesia. All I hope for is to wake up. lol I'm not ready to haunt my family as a ghost just yet.
I'll blab more about me and my story along with this blog as I go along. I just wanted to document that my year has started off calmly and that's all I could as for at this point in my life. Things are not perfect. Things are not even just good right now. But there was peace today and hopefully that's a sign that I will have quiet in all the forms that I need it to take this year and get myself in the right shape and hopefully have some time left over to begin the process of getting on my own two feet. For my babies above all. And for me.
-Keisha
